


Spilling Over

by cecizilla



Category: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Genre: F/M, Heavy Angst, I'm so sorry everyone, No one dies in this, Spoilers, hak needs to let his emotions out at some point bruh, i love these kids and i want them to be happy, it's just mentioned, life is pain, mention of su-won's current condition, spoilers of 180-199, spoilers of the recent arc, there's just a lot here for two teenagers to handle, this is my first fan-fic so bear with me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:09:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27658643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecizilla/pseuds/cecizilla
Summary: “Are you okay?” His voice was so soft, she thought her pounding heartbeat would drown it out.The candle light flickered across his face, a different expression falling over.He clenched his jaw, grimacing. “I heard what happened. They didn’t hurt you did they?”“I….” her words echoed hollow. She half smiled, swallowing down the nausea. “I’m better now that you’re here.”------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------SPOILER ALERTS FOR 180-CURRENT 199What if Yona gave into her desperation and begs to see Hak?
Relationships: Son Hak & Soo-Won & Yona, Son Hak/Yona
Comments: 16
Kudos: 79





	Spilling Over

Princess Yona sold her newfound freedom in order to keep the peace, yet the people she loved were being pulled back like arrows, ready to be set loose.

Since the uproar from the unearthing of Lord Lan-Tan’s corpse in the guest room, the whole castle’s smothering atmosphere reacted into poisonous gas. The way every guard, servant, nobleman, or lady-in-waiting watched as she paced through the halls felt like another strike of a stake into her being. Behind every corner, she saw a sword waiting to pierce through her. Cold, dead eyes lurked in every room. Every other second, Yona was on the verge of a panic attack.

Insomnia only fanned the paranoia.

If they were ready to strike already, why wait? Yona was as vulnerable as ever whilst she continued upholding that sharp oath of surrender. The dragons were hers and hers alone, yet they were just as chained down as she was. Were they to be held as hostages forever like this? Will they always solely be puppets for battle? It would make any insane man laugh in despair. The amount of plots forming behind sealed-off doors only strangled her more.

_I can’t stand it any longer._

_If they’re going to hurt my loved ones ‒‒ or, God forbid, kill me ‒‒ they can let me see at least him._

_Please let me hear his laughter again, Hiryuu._

She’ll play their game.

It was to be a frigid night when the princess became determined to reunite with her beloved.

Out of the new hierarchy of the castle, Yona knew just one man who might bend and offer such a blessing, no matter how ill-tempered he is. She’ll humble herself before him.

_General Joo-Doh._

She requested him, utilizing her charm and knowing exactly where to push in order to get through. It took everything not to yell and cry in forlornness. The old jealous grudge was all over the general’s face. 

And they called _her_ a child.

After much energy spent, the general conceded. He reluctantly agreed to speak with Advisor Kye-Sook on the matter. A familiar guardianship from long ago rippled to the surface.

This was the last string which connected them. She hoped that one day it would be tied together again.

Knowing full well how much of a pain in the ass it was for the general, regardless of their current standing to one another, she was eternally grateful to him.

They were allowed to meet in her bedchambers alone. However, such a deal would come with its catch. They were only given twenty minutes when the moon was highest in the sky and, obviously, kept within arm’s reach of supervision. Guards would escort and stand attentive against Hak’s every move from the entrance. 

The boy who used to be the pride of the kingdom was now branded a criminal. Treated no different than a dangerous tiger, her beloved was kept out of reach from her old sanctuary from long forgotten days. It was more than enough to extinguish one’s will. 

_Please, God, please bring him safe to me. Please let my strength reach him._

For the entire day, the princess’s conscience was elsewhere, completely unavailable for anyone to penetrate. When she retired to her room for the evening, time froze with the chilly air. The cessation of every moment was excruciating.

To pass the time, she fiddled with her clothes, apparently at a loss for decision. She hasn’t truly worried about her appearance in awhile for the ladies-in-waiting did the job for her. In the end, a light rose colored robe was decided upon. She also opted not to wear any strong perfumes, since she was too self-conscious to even attempt it. When she glanced at herself in the mirror, Yona realized she was merely wasting energy on such frivolity. He wouldn’t care how she presented herself.

And then she noticed how high the moon was amongst the heavens. 

_Now._

Footsteps, although purposefully quieter than usual, brought so much familiarity to her anxiety that she could have wept at the sound.

She quickly got up from the floor, swept the curtains closed, then stood in suspense as the doors slid slowly opened. Her shaking hands clasped to her chest.

A tall figure ‒‒ with all the shiny black hair and sapphire eyes which appeared in every waking daydream ‒‒ was escorted into the room by a slightly shorter, hardened guard, standing at attention. The boy donned the normal indigo robes that fit him so well. The lapis lazuli bared on his chest caught the candle’s light. The golden speckles glimmered.

The ambiance of crickets and croaking frogs sang in unison, enlarging the space of the room. The sounds were too much to take.

Her body’s tension ‒‒ which hasn’t subsided since returning to the castle ‒‒ diminished. Solace washed over Yona like the high tides in Awa. She bit her lip to stop the glassiness which tore at her eyes. Has her heartbeat always been this loud? 

And then she noticed something.

_Why….why are his hands behind his back like that?_

Both men strided further into the room, the guard pulling on Hak.

Now she understood why they gave in.

It was about submission. 

Hak’s face was painted with the darkest shades of humiliation, and Yona couldn’t move. The chilly air of the room tightened around her, freezing her body, cemented in shock. She forgot how to speak.

_Why….?_

Deep-rooted fury flared in her chest. Her whole body shook with rage.

Hak looked up from the floor, latching onto her attention. The dark expression softened,  
yet, when his eyes refracted the candle’s light, they were polished onyx, glazed over. He straightened his posture more, his Adam’s apple bobbing. 

“Isn’t this kind of excessive-” 

“If you don’t want this man killed,” the guard cut her off, “he will remain restrained, Princess Yona.”

Hak never broke their gaze as she took in this symbol of their shared agony. 

“This wasn’t part of the deal.” It took all of her strength to bite her tongue from speaking more. 

_This alliance is no different than psychological torture._

“Advisor Kye-Shuk believes it necessary — as in our eyes, he’s just a wild beast that must be tamed. We will now be on standby until the agreed upon twenty minutes are finished.”

Before the guard left, he whispered something into Hak’s ear, the latter breaking his gaze with Yona as he looked at the floor once more, brows furrowed in constricted resentment. She wanted to grab anything within reach to beat the guard in retaliation — but those sharp arrows were still aimed at the ready. The only thing she could do was glare with those fiery eyes of hers as she clenched her fists. 

_I’ll show you a true wild beast._

The doors slid close, and it was just them. 

The flames were then extinguished, as she couldn’t bear to think about anything other than the distressed boy in front of her.

Immediately, Yona scrambled over to Hak, trying to catch his attention from the folds of his thoughts. Although there appeared no signs of physical wounds, gnawing despondency exhibited itself all over his face. His mind laid elsewhere, distant.

She stood on her tiptoes, reaching up with her delicate fingers to push the black curtain of his bangs away from his eyes. Oh, did she love those eyes. He let out a breath as he leaned into her hands, his lips slowly curling.

“I’m sorry you have to see me like this,” Hak started. 

Her face scrunched up, trying to fortify a dam to brace the impending flood. 

“Never would’ve expected them to bind my hands with rope,” he halfheartedly snorted. “This better not be a new kink of yours.”

“Hak….”

His face was unreadable, leaving Yona with nothing to grasp onto. Deep under-eye bags sunk down from his tear ducts.

“Are you okay?” His voice was so soft, she thought her pounding heartbeat would drown it out. The candle light flickered across his face, a different expression falling over. He clenched his jaw, grimacing. “I heard what happened. They didn’t hurt you did they?”

“I….” her words echoed hollow. She half smiled, swallowing down the nausea. “I’m better now that you’re here.”

His eyes pierced into her, knowing full well that she wasn’t fine at all. She fought the urge to cower and hide from such a gaze. 

The dam wasn’t strong enough.

Pulling away from his face, she quickly wrapped her arms around him, cautiously making sure not to hurt his strained arms. Her tears and snot soaked into his chest, yet Hak didn’t flinch. 

It seemed like hours passed as she wept. Hak didn’t move a muscle. The pain, the frustration, the _anger_ of it all. 

“I was desperate to see you,” he finally stated, “even if it was just a fleeting glance.”

Her heart ached, recognizing her own anguish reflected back.

“It’s so cruel,” she cried. “Why? Why even this? When is it _enough?_ ”

How much she yearned for his strong arms to take her into his embrace. She tenderly rubbed his back, traced his spine, immersed in his recognizable scent of field grass and fresh earth. His heartbeat fluttered steadily like a butterfly in spring. No monster would ever have such a heart.

When her touch reached his shoulders, she wrapped her arms around his neck, gently pulling him down to her as she rested into the crook of his neck. He let his head fall into her crimson hair.

“I love you,” he whispered in her ear. 

Yona pulled away from his collarbone, desiring to see the glow of his lovely face. Her throat was tight, all she could do was nod and press her forehead to his. Heavy tears dribbled off her chin. She scrubbed at her eyes and hiccuped.

When their lips met, it was like a sunbeam to a dying plant. She basked in it, letting the warmth take her in — no matter how bittersweet it will be at any moment.

She held his head like a holy object then, sighing into his mouth. There was nothing to be said that could encapsulate this torment. The princess could only hold him close and kiss his chapped lips, urging the pain to withdraw from such devotion.

_His knees might buckle._

As she beckoned him over towards an area of the wall near her bed, Yona went to grab her bedding and a pillow. He huffed as he made himself comfortable. Restricted movement is an annoyance, even for him. 

_If I could…._

Underneath her bed covers, there was a hidden jeweled dagger she saved for survival. For a moment, she stared at it in her hands. The weapon captured the reflection of a girl who shared her image, yet was unrecognizable. 

Who is Yona now? Had she ever found a path, or had she been wandering blind this whole time? Her sense of agency and power that she has trained and built from the ground work up has now been halted to a standstill. 

_“Where will the dragons go?” The priest smirked._

Her chest ached from the kickback to reality.

She shook her head, feeling Hak’s concentration on her sunken form.

_I’m sorry….but I just can’t risk it…It’s too selfish for me to wish for this._

_Would_ you _hesitate like this?_

Wordlessly, she wrapped the blanket around him. The memory of the New Year’s they spent together years ago tugged at her mind. 

“I’m sorry I can’t make it more comfortable for you,” she murmured, not looking him in the face. 

He shook his head.

To her right, an intricately detailed teapot sat on a tray. There was some leftover tea.

“Would you like something to drink? The tea’s lukewarm now, but it’s Yun-Ho’s specialty. It’s good for the mind,” she tried to smile, but realized the impenetrable wall is more than meets the eye.

“Come here,” he whispered.

Without hesitation, she unraveled the blanket cocoon and sat between his legs, finding herself in the crook of his neck once more. His head rested on hers. The warmth made her shake.

_If even for a moment…._

_I could be enveloped in your strong arms again…._

She’s reminded of her captured stay with Lord Kuelbo. The jingling of those chains haunt her as the phantom discomfort of her binded ankles still lingers. It’s no different here than it was then. 

The longer time moves, the deeper the yearning for the past. It seems that those happier days in the wilderness will only move further away in memory. The endless forest where they travelled breathed life again into her, offering power and wisdom with every step. Here, it was as if she fell into a murky swamp, slowly being sucked down into the muck, watching as everyone was pulled down with her.

“Have you seen the rest of the boys? How are they? Are they okay?” 

“They’re okay, but they’re just as frustrated as I am that we’re barred from seeing you. I can only imagine what they’re thinking right now….That stupid fucking _lie._ ”

She could feel his racing pulse as he struck the fervorous match. He took a sharp inhale as she smoothed her hand onto his chest, feeling his heartbeat.

“I knew we were going to be cast as a scapegoat or tossed away as mere tools one way or another,” she whispered. “I’ve fought in so many battles, saw my life flash before my eyes so many times....I can handle this.”

Hak sat silently. Their breathing began to beat in time to each other.

“Do you depend on me still?”

The question hung in the still air.

She had to choose her words carefully for such a weighted question, as it held numerous meanings.

“Of course I do,” she leaned further into him. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Zeno told me what you said to Droopy Eyes.”

Her puffy tear ducts twitched.

“I-I couldn’t risk anything.”

“Couldn’t risk _what?_ ”

_Of all the people that deserves to know….Hak is the most crucial._

_It’s either now or later._

She inhaled the room’s frozen air into her tightened lungs.

“He….Su-Won...He’s going to die.” 

It felt like the world ceased turning. 

The crickets chirped louder.

Hak’s body stiffened.

“....What do you mean?”

“He is the same as Hiryuu, from ancestry to the blood illness that ultimately killed that ancient king of legend.”

The words rolled out like water descending from a once blocked stream.

She drew away from his chest in order to ground his unsteady mind.

His face showed an amalgamation of emotions in mere seconds, racing and splitting into all directions. After everything they’ve been through, after all the instances where it was too much to bear as she witnessed him shift to the most vivid shade of rage, Yona couldn’t gauge his verdict on this tragic finality. 

Will he be joyous? Will he be aggrieved that he couldn’t land the final blow? Would a sense of pitiable mercy float to the surface?

He dropped his head as a rich, exhausted sigh eased from his lungs. 

“....What a pathetic ending to this sad story.” 

He laughed then, exasperated.

“Is this the Gods’ retribution? Is it a sign that this cycle will end? I’m so tired from it all, Princess.”

Her hand pulled his bangs from his eyes, a window to the forgotten, suppressed memories of when war was nothing more than a child’s game. Those memories will never be rose-tinted again, for the blue period will last more than a lifetime.

“Will I be controlled by this betrayal forever?”

His face scrunched up, letting his own guarded dam to break loose. Everything began spilling over.

“You walked ahead of me, I don’t think I could catch up to you….It’s nothing more than a burden to everyone now, isn’t it?” 

All she could do was wipe those heavy tears away. He let those compressed emotions flow right through at last. Beyond all the flames of murderous enragement, there was still the little boy who cried for his friend who left him behind and hurt the people he cherished. The grief laid waste to the very fiber of his soul.

“I don’t know if there will be a conclusion to all this,” Yona stated. “But I do know that you’re not alone to carry this weight, Hak. You could never be a burden to us, to me.”

She pulled him into her chest, her fingers tenderly brushing through his hair.

“I….I can’t do anything. I mean, I can’t even fucking hold you.” He harshly whispered. She held him tighter. “ _Fuck._ ”

The candle began flickering. The dripping wax pooled under the shrinking light. She didn’t move.

The warm light dissipated into shadow. A faint glow from the high moon seeped into the room.

There was too much to say, unbearable even. All she could manage was to hold his head to her chest, letting him hear her triumphant heartbeat, letting the shadows take them in. He continued to quietly cry.

Time finally caught up with them.

“It’s over, Princess.”

They might as well have ripped her heart out with him.

The dark consumed her, watching as Hak walked back to his imprisonment. The reverberation of the night hummed in tune with her heartbeat. 

_Are we even human to them?_

The upcoming war loomed on that radiant sky which peeked through the window.

**Author's Note:**

> (The song I listened to while writing was "Regret" by Taku Iwasaki from the Samurai X: Reflections soundtrack lol.)  
> Hi! Thank you for reading! This is my first ever fanfic I’ve written, so please excuse any errors lol. I’m sorry if this was too angsty jnkakakfaenkvn I just feel like the current situation is really taking a toll on Yona and Hak, so I chose to limit the humor/good vibes.  
> Would Kye-Sook let them meet each other? Probs not (because he’s an ass!), but I feel like this would be a realistic arrangement if he did. It was 50/50 between where they would meet (in the castle or wherever Hak is staying with Yun), however, I think they would have it in the castle because they --- as in Kye-Sook, Joo-Doh, etc. ---- could control the environment more and make sure no funny business occurs (specifically Yona running away or Hak trying to kill Su-Won.) I do want to know how Joo-Doh feels about Yona. He's known her since she was a baby basically (same with Hak, but we all know where he is on that), so there's gotta be at least some guardianship affection deep down still, even if he hated King Il. One thing that’s hard to determine is when Hak will open to Yona more about his pain (like how he broke down back in Sen Province) and how he will react to hearing about Su-Won’s deadly illness. It’s a lot murkier of a call, since he suppresses his emotions so much and doesn’t expect anything from Yona in regards to support --- which fucking hurts to think about lmao. I hope Hak fucks some people up after hearing the blame put onto Yona though! He's not letting his lady's name be tarnished anymore, that’s for damn sure.


End file.
